This post is dedicated to these groups of people namely

Family [Ummi and Bros]

SoulSistaz [Erny, Farhani, Yati]

Desi Girls [Fathima, NazDee, Nazia, Fiza, Badriah]

LadyRozzes [Faja Fyka Yan Huda]

Ex-Damaians [Niz, Faiz, Shikin, Zakya, Azlina, Amalina]

The ITE Niteys [Mahira, Sarah & Farizan]

& of course to

Colleagues & New Friends

[Aziedah, Huda, Faridah, Nisha, Farez & Aamir]

I know I can be annoying and irritating and also impatient

but I would like to take this opportunity to

ask for forgiveness if I have offended you guys in any way

Be it through teasing, jokes or just plain rudeness

Sorry.

Inshallah we’ll meet again this year during the Eid house visits

[no more green packets. how sad]

Teehehehe.

Loves,

NurEsha Raena Khan

I need to see you cry
I wanna, I wanna see you cry
Won't rest until I see you cry
Yeah I cry, I cry, I cry
Had me convinced that I just wasn't enough,
Me and you fussing and fighting cursing all of that stuff,
Now I know, that I might've done you wrong,
Didn't know I'd pay so long, 'til you did the same,
I know I'd done you wrong I was making it up to you,
I apologised in a million ways but I thought that was that,
But I guess you got me back,
Didn't know itd be like that, but you did the same...
Now we're caught in a circle
A constant battle
The day that u hurt me
The clouds cast a shadow on us
And I hope that your happy we're even now, so cry baby cry
Let me see you cry, cry, cry
I need to see you cry, cry, cry
Until your tears run dry, dry, dry
Like the deserts need the rain
Want ya tears to fall down on me
Cry, cry, cry
I need to see you cry, cry, cry
Until your tears run dry, dry, dry
Like the deserts need the rain
Want ya tears to fall down on me
Before the love just turns to hate,
Before I ask for you to stay,
And just before you walk away, yeah
What is this? What happens to relationships?
Started off so good and ended up so bad
Baby I just wanna know,
Ooh tell me do you know, baby
Before we knew it we were at it again,
No no no, somehow I don't think we can ever be friends,
Wish it wasn't so, wish it wasn't so, but you did the same...
Now we're caught in a circle
A constant battle
The day that u hurt me
The clouds cast a shadow on us
And I hope that your happy we're even now, so cry baby cry
Let me see you cry, cry, cry,
I need to see you cry, cry, cry,
Until our tears run dry, dry, dry,
Like the deserts need the rain,
Want your tears to fall down on me,
Before the love just turns to hate,
Before I ask for you to stay,
And just before you walk away, yeah
So we go on and on on this merry go round,
Trying to chase a love that can never be found,
Time to say goodbye and step off of it now,
It's over girl, it's over
Let me see you cry, cry, cry,
I need to see you cry, cry, cry,
Until your tears run dry, dry, dry,
Like the deserts need the rain,
Want your tears to fall down on me
Speaking-
I need to see you cry
I wanna, I wanna see you cry
Won't rest until I see you cry
Yeah I cry, I cry, I cry

I still remember the day I actually listened to this song with anger in my heart and venom in my blood for Far. It was after one of our huge fights. I was extremely angry at the way he reacted and the way he was exercising his right on me as if he owned me. The comments and the nonsense he spewed based on what happened to his friend made me angry. He didn’t listen to both sides of the story before judging and thus painting everyone with the same brush. But now, there’s a sense of loneliness in me whenever he comes to mind. It started off as revenge but he got under my skin. There was affection for him in my heart, infatuation some may say but whatever that was, it is still present in my heart. Nights like this when the memories come rushing back, I cannot help but cry when I remember Azaan’s last message and Far’s last entry. Nights like this makes me wanna see them just one more time before they left forever. Tears can’t stop falling when I remember Aqeel’s nonsense and cheekiness when we met for the first time at Mustafa. Why must I feel this way again? after a whole year. will this repeat each year as their anniversary looms? will I ever walk away from this wreck unscathed? will I ever heal? will my heart ever heal? Will I ever be whole again? questions that remained unanswered as months go by and it will not ever be answered at all. I leave it all up to Him. Time heals the deepest of all wounds and I am sure in time I’ll learn to numb and move on.

Loves

Nuresha Raena Khan.

I got a new job after months of searching. Thank you Allah. And I end up at the library again. Hmm.. Sometimes I wonder what is it with me going around drifting from place to place only to end up at the same department only a different location. Same goes to my babe Nishita. Hahah. It seems we end up at the same place again and again.

also thanks to these people who wished me luck and prayed for me.

Ummi jaan and the bros.

Fathima my honorary sista

Naz Dee for her confidence in me

Mahira for your unwavering believe in my confidence.

Hilyah, Fyka, Fiza Khan

Aamir although I am still annoyed at you

and lastly

Z.

Its weird how you thought that you were not looking for anything when suddenly a stranger comes along and messes up the balance you took years to perfect. The facade that you so carefully stitched for the world to see and swallow either out of ignorance or force fed gets unravelled. Thread by thread slowly a piece of exquisite cloth fabricated of lies and embroidered by tears dissolve into nothingness leaving you vulnerable. Only one person managed to do that and I wanted it to stay that way. Maybe He has something else planned for me. I leave it all up to him.

“Don’t shed tears if you’ve bled for it was corrupted blood seeking escape. Be thankful that you’re clean of the poison you’ve nurse so long as if it is ambrosia from the gods”

On a brighter note, I’ll be meeting the Rozzes tmrw for Iftaar session. Missed them like crazy. Till here. Loves, kisses and misses.

Nuresha Raena Khan.

:):)

its that time of the year again where life gets extremely confusing for me. details? i rather not elaborate. Its enough that I am jobless and desperately seeking a job when all these effing employers refuse to give me a call. Ramadhan is around the corner and I know I should be happy. Embrace it with open arms for the amount of barakah in the coming month is endless. But yet a nagging feeling refuses to let me go. something is going to happen in the coming month and I am not sure on which end of the spectrum will it be. I pray that it will be positive.

on a brighter note, I finally met up with bestie after aeons of not meeting her. okayy.. exaggerating much. It feels like aeons but the last time I met her was in April. sometime around my birthday. I am proud of you for proving it to those who have always doubted your abilities and capabilities. It is not an easy path that you have chosen but I know you will make it. I am always here for you. We had fun watching Love Aaj Kal. And a certain stupid line Saif keeps on repeating in the movie got stuck in my head.

“We’re aam log hai. We’re mango people”

Since that day till today I have been repeating that stupid line much to the annoyance of hafeez who ask me to shut up whenever I repeat that line.

I am one of those people who gets bored easily and it is a known fact that I tend to ignore those who bore me and also utilize them whenever I am feeling exceptionally mean and evil. Like a certain person I used to call a friend before he broke my trust and angered me. I don’t usually make use of people because I had been there on the receiving end and I don’t like the feeling. It took me awhile to heal and trust again because the one who used me was a close friend. But that is over now and we all have grown, matured to be adults and better people. I have forgiven her and we’re still friends now. Albeit not as close as before but close enough simply because we share a history, we grew up together and we’ve weathered through storms.

But this is about you. I don’t know what your intentions are. But I really hope you’re here to stay. As a friend or something more I don’t know and I don’t even want to contemplate. I’ll take things as it goes and that essentially means leaving it to time. and fate too. At the same time, I don’t feel like moving on. I know its wrong and I should continue to live on because that is what you wanted ultimately for me but I am afraid. The whole ritual again. And it does not help either that most are clueless and idiotic. Frankly, I am tired of it. Weary. Hilarious? I know and I am barely 20. Maybe I mature too much too fast as Mahira never forgets to remind me. But in the environment I grew up in, maturity is a necessity not a privilege. It is a survival mechanism, something that helps keep me sane. Insanity runs in an endless circle in my life and it is never gonna end.

Till here people,

loves, huggs kisses and misses

Nuresha Raena Khan